"My parents don't hear me out, they just jump to conclusions before I finish sharing my problem. They start giving me advice that I don't need."

"I have tried talking to my parents, but they just don't seem to understand. I give up, now I shut myself in my room to avoid having to talk to them."

"My dad, instead of encouraging me to study, actually hurls a lot of insults at me, which makes me feel small."

"I want to do well in my studies to honor my mom - she has sacrificed so much for us. Yet, I am so fearful that I can't do well. Although I tried, the results are still not good enough."

Have you heard these comments from your peers or have you yourselves made such complaints either verbally or in your thoughts? At one point of our lives, we have gone through conflicts, and the most painful ones are those encountered at home, with parents who are supposed to love us unconditionally, who are supposed to protect and provide for us, but turn into our worst foes.

What has changed? Was it like that all the days you were growing up? Were there better days before? At which point did one party shut the other out? Questions to examine.

Watched with sadness the episode in Desperate Housewives where the mother has been trying to communicate with her son, one of the twins, but he kept giving her a monosyllabic reply. In her desperate attempt to regain the son whom she 'lost' she went on the chatline and befriended him, calling herself Sara J. They became good friends in no time and he fell for her, and of course she had to 'gently' reject him, but she accidentally signed off the chat with "love, Mom". It is a very real phenomenon, that parents and teenagers find it hard to get through to each other.

Parents feel that they are being locked out of their babies' lives (yes, no matter how old you get, you are always a baby in their eyes) and kids feel that the parents don't ever listen when they share their hearts. Which party is at fault? NONE.

Both really still love the other, but do not know how to express that love.

Remember when we were young, our parents used to cuddle and kiss us a lot? When we grow older we tend to 'resist' those show of affection, but when they do respect our space and leave us alone, we actually start missing those cuddle moments. If your family is not the 'huggy-kissy' type, do you remember the last time you were hugged or you hear any one of your parents say "I love you"? Again, whose fault is it? NEITHER.

We just grew up. Then, does it mean grown ups don't need even a pat on the shoulder once in a while? Read this excerpt from an article on the benefit of a wholesome hug:

"Everybody loves a hug

Hugging can do wonders for a relationship. Watch your bond with your children strengthen as your hugs increase. Everybody loves a hug, not just your children. Extend your hugs to other family members as well. You find it difficult to hug your sister because it's not part of your greeting ritual and you feel awkward? Remember, the person who is the hardest to hug is usually the one who needs it the most."


Remember that parents cannot meet every need we have as a human being - only God can. Deep within us there is a longing to be loved, but we douse the longing with poor substitutes - cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, sex, porns - all to one's destruction, leaving the void within even bigger and harder to fill.

Start small, if you think you will wait for your parents to change, the day may never come. Why don't you take the first step? Hug your mom or your dad today. Hold their hands, give them a kiss. After all those years of receiving, maybe it's time to give back. Remember, the person who is the hardest to hug is usually the one who needs it most.